Porn and Guns

It turns out that – in addition to manning checkouts at surf shops and topping up drinks on Virgin domestic flights – there are people I went to high school with who are serving as soldiers in Afghanistan and working as porn stars on the Gold Coast. I think this increases interest in the high school reunion by about 180%!

Okay, being perfectly honest, the porn star wasn’t in my year level, so I doubt she’ll be making an appearance at my reunion … but she was in one Mr Steve Pree’s graduating class. Pree, I want pictures, do you hear me?? Pictures!!!

Actually, I don’t need pictures. There are plenty to be found on the Internet, all of them equally disturbing. We stumbled across Ms. X’s MySpace page on Saturday night while enjoying a quiet (very quiet) game of Monopoly.

I think another small piece of Ben’s innocence died that night, as he commented that it was like The Girl Next Door without the happiness or romance. He then sighed a little mouse-like sigh as he peered up at the full moon and sang a mournful solo about life never turning out like your favourite pornstar-makes-good romantic Hollywood comedies. It was like Handful of Stars all over again.

I won’t be posting any names as to who’s doing what on here; after all, I wouldn’t want to besmirch anyone’s reputation … or let it be known they’re a porn star, either! (Ba doomp boomp TING!). But I might be persuaded to give up the goods privately, and so long as you promise to act with discretion.

... in other words, don’t tell anyone I told you!