Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Johnny Waddshisface

Whenever I'm in Bendigo (which has really only been three times so far) I stop to have morning tea at this little health food shop, where I enjoy a nice mango smoothie and a low-fat nut slice.

There's a guy who works there (who I presume is the owner), and I swear to God this is what he looks like;


Yes, 1970s porn star John Holmes. He even has the moustache and everything.

I think he'd be a bit of a crap boss to work for. I've seen him telling off two different employees on two seperate occassions in this really pissy manner. I think one of them might have even been his own daughter.

I guess the most unusual aspect of it is that you don't really expect a guy who looks like a dead porn star to be the owner of a country health food shop. You expect him to be selling drugs, or appearing at parties as a look-alike that the host hires to freak people out.

It also just occurred to me that maybe I should be worrying about what's in the mango smoothie.

...

...

... meh. It still tastes pretty damn good.

Costume Drama

Our Halloween party is this Friday night. Originally, I was planning on going as Donnie Darko. You know, from the movie Donnie Darko?


It's a costume I've been wanting to do literally for years, and finally I had my chance!

I thought it'd be a simple thing. They were selling adult skeleton costumes at Toys R Us, and I now have a plurality of hoodies. I was all set. My long-held ambitions of Darko-ness were finally coming to fruition.

Until I went to Toys R Us, and was told they'd sold out of all their Halloween costumes.

%$^# !!!

I went with Simone to the local costume shop, and while they had what she needed to complete her outfit, I was too much of a fussy baby to try on any of the grody looking skeleton costumes they had for rent. If it wasn't a pristine $15 dollar, never-before-worn Toys R Us skeleton costume, I wasn't interested. Yes, I'm that pouty and difficult.

So now I've improvised a costume that, while not as good, is still something fun and not a complete cop-out. It'll make for some interesting photos, at least. And in the meantime, I shall sleep and I shall hope, and I shall wait, until the day comes, where my Darko-est dreams come true.

*emo tear*

Going to Stay at this Place in Bendigo


It's not for a month yet, but am super-excited!

I Think I'd Spot More Celebrities if I Knew Something About Sports


I just got back from one of those low-impact occassional walks I mentioned before. While I was out there, marvelling at the local real estate, I ran into a giant. The guy was well over six foot tall, all muscles and Roger David t-shirt and what not, and had a face that could have been chiselled by DaVinci himself (if he wasn't too busy piecing together suitably enigmatic codes).

I started feeling a bit depressed about how a guy who was so stereotypically macho and good-looking could also have gotten to a place in his face where he could afford to own the incredible house he was walking out of. And then it occurred to me .... maybe he was a footballer! That would explain it all, and then I wouldn't have to feel bad about myself at all. No, those darn footballers get everything handed to them on a silver platter, they do!

But of course, knowing nothing about football, there was no way I was going to recognise him (unless he was Warne Carey, Warwick Capper or that one with 'Mayhem' written on his stomach).

That got me to thinking - being that I live in Melbourne, and my office is in Chapel street, I'm more than likely surrounded by famous sporting figures a good portion of the time, and am completely oblivious to it.

Of course, I knew who Grant Hackett was when I sold him some popcorn at the movies. But everyone knows the Aussie cricket team...

What Girl/Man Could Possibly Resist?


And in other Pree-related matters, there is an ever-growing circle of people who believe Pree looks like David Zayas of Oz and Dexter fame.



Yes?

Frank Miller Hates Weak Babies (or, "A Belated Critique of 300")

I had my monthly trip to Bendigo today, and as is always the case when I travel to Bendigo, I listened exclusively to my iRiver on the way there and back (well ... always the case when I have an operational iRiver).

I enjoy listening to the 300 soundtrack sometimes, as it's highly evocative music that helps to inspire the imagination (or, in Ben's case, the desire to run).

Usually when listening to it, I start daydreaming about stories, but today I started thinking about 300 itself and its many, many flaws.

Certainly it's racist. It's also gotten an edge of homophobia to it, which is really ridiculous when you consider how it's also quite homoerotic (a paradox seldom understand by the guys you see blasting their abs down the gym .... or would see, if one's exercise regime didn't consist of occassional low-impact walks and sporadic use of the Nintendo Wii at Simone's sister's place).

No, the thing I was thinking about was something that I don't recall ever having read in any of the reviews.

It justifies the Spartan's practice of killing newborn babies.

As is well-known, it was Spartan custom to leave babies found to be weak or "defective" on the slopes of a nearby mountain to die. This was dramaticised in the film with a brief scene showing a baby about to be thrown off a cliffside into a crevasse of infant skeletons below.

In the movie, before the 300 titular Spartans begin their defence against Xerxes' invading armies, a Spartan outcast comes to King Leonidas to volunteer his services. His name is Ephialtes, and the deformities he suffered from at birth meant he should have been cast off the mountain, but his parents smuggled him away and raised him in secret.


As Ephialtes is unable to raise his spear properly due to his handicap, Leonidas turns him away (to his credit, Leonidas does this politely and respectfully). In a rage, Ephialtes goes straight to Xerxes and offers to show him a secret path that would enable the Persian army to defeat the Spartans.

Now, Ephialtes is a genuine historical figure, legitimately believed to have betrayed the Spartans and told Xerxes of the secret mountain path. But here's the thing. He wasn't deformed. That was entirely an invention on the part of Frank Miller, the writer/artist of the graphic novel 300.


So the basic argument becomes that, had Ephialtes' parents done their "duty" and left their baby son to die, Leonidas and his men wouldn't have been undone by the betrayal of an outcast "freak".

This makes the scene where Leonidas turns Ephialtes away even more tragic - the King has more sympathy for this poor man than the story itself does (it also seems to suggest that Leonidas creates his own downfall by showing pity on Ephialtes, rather than killing him).

It's an irksome thing to think of, and it's just another in the laundry list of things that leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth in regards to 300.

All this from a random track that popped up on my iRiver. I bet I wouldn't get this if I had more Kylie on there.

At the Very Least, Steph Will Be Well-Pleased

The latest Marvel movie rumour? Marvel wants Christian Bale to play Dr Strange, and that a deal could be struck in the next couple of weeks.


Between this, his role as Batman and as John Connor in the new Terminator film, Bale would have essentially annointed himself King of the Geeks. But I seriously doubt this is anything more than pie-in-the-sky talk. It's also a bit unimaginative.

In other news, Daniel Craig has said that he was offered the role of Thor, but he turned it down (presumably because he felt one franchise character was enough - see what he did there, Christian?). Craig is a pretty good choice, really. A good actor, believably tough, and more than a little teutonic-lookin'.

I have no idea who else they could get for the role. If it was 1988 I might suggest Dolph Lundgren, but he's been both He-Man AND The Punisher. If he and Christian Bale ever acted in a movie together I think the universe might invert itself.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

God Bless You, YouTube

Want to see Jason Alexander before being cast in Seinfeld, sporting a really bad wig, singing and dancing and, finally, shilling for McDonald's?

Well, that's a really specific request, but ....



... behold!!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Once Again ...

Say it with me now ...



"He's behind you!!!"

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Frighteningly Prophetic Satire


Check out this article published by The Onion waaaaaaay back in 2001.

Spooky.